That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
