Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
