Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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