I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
