Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
