First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
