Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
