My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
