Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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