Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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