I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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