weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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