She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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