My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
