Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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