FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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