That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
