so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
