her vagine was all disorganized.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
