somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
