i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
