i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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