so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The Olympian is in my bed
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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