i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
