there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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