my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
handjob tips. give me some.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
