3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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