Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
