He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize