You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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