i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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