I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
