before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
