There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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