No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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