So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
