I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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