I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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