You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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