my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
