I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.