you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
