Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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