ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
ttyl tear gas
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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