They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
