could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
two words...techno handjob
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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