My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
