I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
