I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
