i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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