My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
