if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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