If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
