remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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