i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
