we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
