Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
