literally had 100 drinks last night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
