we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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