you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
