Duck Duck Cougar?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
