You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
40s are totally the cure
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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