yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
