I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
