Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
