I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
