WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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