i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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