hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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