I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I didn't notice because vodka
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
