that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
