Moan for me like Helen Keller
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
