that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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