Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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