I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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