You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
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I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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